Sunday, April 30, 2006


i am not a patient person. i think in this case, this will go poorly for me.
sucks to me be. sucks to not have slept, sucks to not know what is going on, sucks all around.
i don't feel so good.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


my life is in 10000 places all right now. and yet here i am.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Scatterbrained thoughts

I don't get any work done. I think this makes me a bad student. Oh well.
What am I going to do with my life? I don't know. Sigh.
I was emailing pre-frosh today. Bulldog Days are soon! Hurray! That's pretty exciting.
Boys are still stupid. There is conflicting advice on the table at this point. One camp says "You've said your bit-- he has to do something if something is going to happen." The other side: "Damn it, just go get him. Do it already!" I don't know. The short term plan (maybe until this weekend?) aligns nicely with option 1. After that, though... I may have to do something to force the issue. But until then, no contact from my end. His turn. Damn it! I hate this game. I thought I could escape the game. But no, the game always wins.
Ok, time to get to work.


baseball is making me happy!
1) Cubs swept the Cardinals!! HOtt!
2) I'm not in last in my fantasy league! That probably won't last long. But still.......... I'm not in last!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

A Little Dream of You

Damn it. Over a week later, I have no resolution, just more tension.
I had resolved to just forget it. Which I was doing a damn good job of doing until Friday afternoon, when I a) saw him at lunch, b) got an email from him inviting me to a concert that night.
So, not only did I see him at lunch, get two emails from him, talk to him on the phone for a while, but then I also went to a concert with him. Then we watched crazy improv people on Cross Campus for a while.
Then, beyond that... you know how at a concert, in wooden auditorium seats, there is kind of a zone of interaction between arms on the armrest and sort of at the knee? Well, those were active, but not in any way that clearly couldn't have been an accident. I also am unsure of what role I played in that particular contact.
So then last night... I had assumed that he was going to be at relay for life, so I planned a screening of Kill Bill (1 and 2-- hardcore and awesome!). I invited him for the hell of it, I guess. So I was a little surprised when he called me again to ask about it, and to tell me that it was just perfect for what he wanted to do tonight.
So we're watching these movies in the Morse TV room. We're sitting next to each other, but not close to each other. Considerably closer than any other two people were sitting, but still. Quite a respectful distance. So at some point I stretch out, so that my head is supported by my elbow. A minute later, he adopts the same position, with his elbow just very lightly touching mine. But then he moved. And so it was like this for a while, with intermittant "accidental" contact.
But here is the kicker, at least for me.
Early this morning, I had a really sweet dream. It was just a really pleasant and sort of realistic interaction, but it just made me so happy. I was kind of upset when I realized it was a dream.
Raah. I don't know what to do.